Love is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world and, at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with.
It’s odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil, beautiful and ugly.
It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.
When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life.
There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never and will never have.
These days, mindfulness — defined by neuroscientist of Harvard University Britta Hölzel as “the non-judgmental awareness of experiences in the present moment” – attracts many people interested in psychological health and happiness. Since Paul McCartney encouraged us to “Let it be” when our hearts are broken, we know about the importance of acceptance. And surely nobody can escape the “Let it go” songs and books of today’s culture. I think we have pretty much gotten the message: resistance to reality is futile and letting things pass through us is the best we can do for our happiness.However, knowing about something is not the same as being able to do it. Mindfulness is difficult. And as inspiring as it may be to hear from people who can go with the flow and stay emotionally positive no matter what, it can also exert pressure on those who struggle. “Let it go” may sound like “Let it go already!” which is a not-so helpful message of impatience in a stressed-out society. In fact, the pace has picked up so much since Paul McCartney sang that song, we are not going through life anymore; we are running. And so do our minds, a thousand miles a minute. It seems as if our minds are too full to be mindful.
Posted in Break Up, Dating, Friendship, Health & Wellbeing, Lifestyle, Psychology, Relationships
Tagged happiness, let it Go, love, Mindfullness, Patience
It’s one of the biggest clichés of all time: “I want us to still be friends.”
From statements of celebrity splits to impromptu break-up texts, to speeches in front of middle-school lockers, there is a notion in our culture that breakups should be sweet and amicable. It’s often assumed that the best way to end a romantic relationship is to magically embark on a close, happy, friendship — where everyone is thrilled, and both parties smilingly tease each other about his video-game habits or her fondness for vintage brooches.
But does this fantasy ever work out, and is it even wise to try for it? Can you really be friends with someone you dated — even if he knows you better than anyone else? Do any great — or even average — romances ever end by segueing into a strong friendship?
The answer, many times, is no. Sometimes, of course, it can happen — with time. But certain conditions must be met. Here are six signs that should tell you that “Let’s just be friends” may not be your best option (as discussed in detail in The Friendship Fix):
Posted in Break Up, Dating, Friendship, Men, Psychology, Relationships, Women
Tagged break-up, ex-boyfriend, Friendship, platonic relationship, relationship
They say all is fair in love and war. I don’t know about that, but I do know that through both, you need a solid game-plan to get what you want. Make no mistake about it– ex-boyfriends aren’t here to make pals–we’re here to fuck shit up. Below are some things we’ll lie to you about with intent to destroy the emotional foundation of your world.
1. “I’m just checking in to see how you’re doing.”
Really? You’ve gone months without speaking– now all of a sudden we’re interested in finding out how you are? This is typical of a guy who just lost his supply of sex or saw a Facebook photo of you with another dude. This is the first attack in a series that will make up our lengthy campaign of mental warfare. It gives us a reason to get in touch, and makes it seem like we actually care how you’re doing. If you respond– you show your interest in us, and our foot has at least cracked the door we’re looking to barge into.
2. “I just want to be friends.”
This is the oldest, shittiest lie in the book that women fall for every…single…day. Ladies, do you really believe it? Do you honestly think in a guy’s mind he’s saying: “Yeah– that’s what I want! I want the girl I used to have sex with regularly around– just to hang out with! We can be best buds now! I just want her in my life as a dear, dear friend. Please, tell me about the new guy you’re banging!” NO! This is an easy ticket back into your life by getting you to physically hang out with us. Dinner? Drinks? What does it matter? We’re just friends! Yay!
3. “Nobody understands us.”
Hey– guess what, dummy? EVERYBODY understands your messed up relationship. Everyone has an ex, and everyone knows that they’re an ex for a reason. This is just something ex-couples say to rationalize hanging out to everyone asking “What the hell are you doing?!” “…Nobody understands us! We’re so different and unique and special!” Shut up. No you’re not.
How To Know When It’s Time To Go
You can always find reasons to leave a relationship if you look hard enough. But it’s the obvious reasons—those that might be right in front of you—that should help you make your decision.
1. Abuse. If you are being abused physically, emotionally, verbally, or financially, get a lawyer and get out. The only time an abuser gets it is when there’s a serious consequence.