Sometimes not being able to reach things has its advantages.
1. You always get to be in the front row of group photos. You’re the star of every girls’ night out selfie and/or field hockey team picture. And if you decide you don’t want to be seen, just sneak in the back row and use a tall person as a shield. You can never lose.
2. People card you all the time, because you’re approximately the same height as a middle-schooler. Nothing will ever boost your self-esteem quite like a movie theater employee checking to make sure you’re old enough to see Bridesmaids without an accompanying adult.
3. You’re pretty much MacGyver when it comes to getting stuff on high shelves. Sure, you could ask for help or use a ladder, but where’s the fun in that? You have an entire strategy for getting your favorite kind of pasta off the tallest shelf in the grocery store. It involves an umbrella, a well-timed jump, and cat-like reflexes.
4. You can wear super-high heels without getting self-conscious that you’re too tall. Now you’re just the same height as everybody else. I can see for miles from up here!
5. Miniskirts that are too short on other people are work-appropriate for you, because the distance from your waist to your knees is negligible. And if you feel like going super-short, hit the petites, aka the Gold Mine for the Vertically Challenged.
6. You occasionally find clothes that fit you in the children’s section. They’re cheaper, the pants don’t need to be hemmed, and the T-shirts have Star Wars characters on them. Go forth to the plus-size boys’ department and find what you seek.
7. Legroom on airplanes will never be a problem for you. While everybody else is folding themselves up like human origami, you’re over here stretching out like a dog in the grass. Economy plus is basically your own personal twin-sized bed.
8. But sometimes people do offer to help you, and that’s nice. Why, yes, I am having trouble reaching that toilet paper. Thanks for helping a sister out, kind citizen.
9. You are a beast at hide-and-seek, Capture the Flag, and any other game that requires stealth moves. This comes in handy for pranks too. Nobody is ever going to see you in that closet before you jump out and scare the shit out of them.
10. Sometimes tall people feel bad for you at standing-room-only events and let you move in front of them. You’re almost never blocking anybody else’s view, so empathetic giants don’t mind letting you move ahead. It doesn’t happen all the time, of course, but when it does, it reinforces your belief in the goodness of humanity.
11. But if necessary, you can slip through crowds unseen. You can sidle your way through a crowded sidewalk like a spy on the run.
12. You can literally duck out of boring conversations. Oh gee, sorry! Can’t hear you down here. I’m just gonna go to the bar (and never come back).|
13. You never have to hunch, so your posture is better. You don’t usually have to worry about bumping your head on anything, because the world was built for Talls.
14. You always have a built-in excuse for not wanting to hold hands. “It’s kind of uncomfortable because of the height difference” is a much gentler letdown than “Your palms are too sweaty and I saw you wipe your nose with your hand like two minutes ago.”
15. You could actually go undercover in a high school like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed, if it ever came to that. What? It could happen. You don’t know what the future holds.